Would it have made a difference if you had someone to turn to?

I was asked this question in an interview the other day and I was so overwhelmed by the event that I gave an answer that was true but also not entirely true as it could make people think that my mom and my gran did not love or care about me.   The truth is they did, they loved and cared about me very much but the day my mother became religious and because of how we were raised and how the human race dictated what was “acceptable behaviour” keeping up the appearance meant that I could never really talk to them about the things that were happening to me as a teenager and I never really felt they had my back and by no means was it intentional.  My mom and gran were also damaged goods of the human race and they did what they knew best while coping with their own issues.

It all went pear shaped the day I turned 13 and it’s been a roller coaster ride since that day.  Now I’m no different to anyone else, in fact I would say that almost everyone has had a form of abuse in one way or another. I also want to say that when I listen to some of the stories that there are a lot of women who have gone through far worse than what I’ve ever experienced.  But yes, I’ve been bullied, bee sexually abused and been treated like a second rate citizen.

The question I ask, “where did it all start, where did it start for most women, if not ALL women?”

In my opinion, it begins with society as a whole, and this is the entire planet, not just one country or continent and both men and women are guilty!

  • The human race dictates that men are better than women.
  • The human race dictates that because you are a woman that you don’t have as much say as a man.
  • The human race dictates that because you are a woman and you sleep around or have been raped you are a whore.
  • The human race dictates that because you are a woman that you don’t have as much rights as a man.

The human race does this by saying, because you are a woman you must submit to your husband because he is the head, the man incharge. Because you are a woman it’s ok for you to be treated like a sex object.  Because you are a woman you must be paid less than a man.  Because you are a woman you are not entitled to have the same benefits as men.  Because you are a woman you are not allowed to voice your opinions or make decisions.

So how does this thinking, this indoctrination, this conditioning effect us as women?

You behave in a way that makes you weak.  You think in a way that makes you feel less of a person.  You do things that tells bullies and abusers that its ok to take advantage of you, or you become a tyrant, a hardcore bitch no one wants to be around and you become an abuser.

In a society where the human race still has these beliefs, still enforces these rules and in some countries makes it a way of living.  How do you cope?  How do you recover to become the person God intended you to be?

  • Have a strong support system in place, where you actually feel that no matter what  you do, or have done  or how you’ve behaved, you are loved.  That you are accepted for who you are, both the good and the bad.  This helps you gain confidence in yourself and it gives you the strength to face life.
  • Re condition your mind, re program your subconscious, change your thought patterns.  Rebuild and make personal developmenat a way of life.  You can only do this by constantly focussing on the positive and getting the help you need, whether it be NLP, hypnosis, spiritual healing or other methods, find what works for you but the reality is that you have to go deep.  How your subconscious mind and body processes information is not how we rationalise it in our thinking.
  • Turn to someone and tell them what is going on and choose someone you feel extremely comfortable talking to and make sure the person you choose will actually take action, will change the situation or take you out of the situation because this gives you hope, it gives you that sense of relief that someone stronger than you is helping you fight the battle you don’t feel you have the strength to fight.
  • Empower the women around you.  Make them feel special, make them feel important and valued.  Recognise their contributions, recognise their abilities and constantly tell them how wonderful they are.  I cannot begin to tell you just how much this can change a woman’s life.  How much you empower someone by doing this.  By doing this, you give them strength and hope and makes them feel good about themselves, that they are worth something and it makes them feel valued.

Coming back to the question, “would it have made a difference if you had someone to turn to?  The answer is “yes”

The truth is that most women have gone through the same experiences, the truth is that no matter what, we won’t speak about it because of the fear of how the human race will label us.

I want to thank my husband and all those men out there who treat women as equals, who treat women with respect, who treat women as they would treat themselves.

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